True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This baby is an asshole
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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