either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
