I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
