She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
