now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize