I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
