u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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