he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
