I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
