You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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