there's paper in my vomit.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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