took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
