So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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