Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
