Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize