So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
