Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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