she woke up with a sticky ear
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
