Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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