Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
