my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
