if you like me you must not know who I am
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
