Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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