So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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