He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
