i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Everclear isn't food dammit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
