if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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