the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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