I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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