Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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