If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
