3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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