also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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