I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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