Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
