he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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