as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
