Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
