new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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