Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
