guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
