piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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