so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
