I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
COCAINE IS GR8
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
