No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
