this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
