Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
