I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
