well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
