Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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