the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
