Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
