lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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