when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
