Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
