sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
