Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
