i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
