Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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