oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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