Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
