Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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