the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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