So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
