My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize