did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
