Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
