Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
