Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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