I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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