You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize