She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
