Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
