You smell like a Billy Joel song
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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