You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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