Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
