I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
