Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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