I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
