Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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