; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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