I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
