how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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