Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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