the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
