Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
