shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize