You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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